Salt and Pickles

It looks like one of the twins is in process of vanishing. They didn’t see a hb or fetal pole. Just a yolk inside the sac which is much smaller than the other.

The other twin is measuring 8w4d with a heartbeat of 174. (i was worried that was too fast, but the doc swore it was good)  

we’re torn about how we feel. We were a little nervous about twins, but were getting quite attached to the idea at the same time. I guess I am a mixture of happy and sad. I’m sad that we wont’ know both babies, but happy that one is healthy and wiggling around (we saw it wiggling!) and looking healthy.

We were very pragmatic and knew that this might happen. We even had this feeling it would, but I’d stopped feeling that way when I was so sick on sunday that I couldn’t keep a single thing down. I’m on Zofran now and am able to eat again, but that day sucked. I thought “I must be this sick because there are two”

We graduate from the RE and my OB appt is april 9th and our NT scan is the 11th. very weird to not get to go back to my RE. especially since I am still on progesterone til the 11th of april.

My kitty is super needy and lovey lately. I’m not sure what’s up with him, but it’s nice having a kitty neck warmer when i’m on the couch.

So, even if all you crave are a few crisp juicy pickles and lovely fat green olives (the really neon green gorgeous kind that can be found at Whole Foods right now and taste like butter olives) . Don’t do it. Do not decide to eat only pickles and olives for dinner.but if you do, once you’ve finished puking up the lovely green.. eat a bagel and all will be right with the world again. 

tomorrow we are flying to Baltimore. I don’t really want to fly anywhere, but we have a family obligation (and that part will be fun) so fly I will. I hope to get an aisle seat and a few barf bags.  

If we don’t have a vanishing twin, and both decide to stick around. We’ve been house hunting. .. which is horribly sad because we love our gorgeous loft and haven’t even been here a year yet. But going up and down two sets of loft stairs with two babies wouldn’t be fun or easy.

well i had more to say but Godzilla the cat just settled down on my chest, which basically puts him right in the way of my seeing my computer screen.

my travel bag tomorrow: saltines & books.

hoowhee!! 

Twin A is measuring 6mm with a heartbeat of 118

Twin B is measuring 8mm with a heartbeat of 124

I’m blissed and terrified, simultaneously.

Yesterday we went to Rodeo Beach at the marin headlands. 

It’s a pretty beach, but you don’t really realize how much so til you get up close and personal. The sand is a reddish gray color (or that’s how I am remembering it today) and farther away from the water it is fine and granular like regular sand. As you get closer to the water it becomes more like tiny small pebbles. Like the size of a seed bead, if you ever work with beading. some are bigger than that (nearer to the top of the sand) but mostly they are tiny. but definitely larger than grains of sand. They aren’t granular, they’re tiny tiny pebbles.

We walked down the beach some. and after the last-post-mentioned almost-puke, we found a little cut out area of the cliffs that was free from wind. We sat down and as we looked at the tiny pebbles under us, we noticed they were made up of shades of green and orange and red and of course, requisite grey/black/brown sand-colors.
We lay on our bellies picking out greens & oranges and realized that that beach is made up of tiny pebbles of jade and carnelian. (H already knew about the carnelian, as he’d been there with his geologist group from his office. he’s a civil engineer)
we brought home a small bag of tiny jade & carnelian pebbles. who knows what I’ll do with them, but it was so lovely to have our face down near the ground and see all these wet shades of blue, green, orange and red.. which when you were looking from a height (say standing) just melded into a reddish gray color so you had no idea the beautiful range of colors in front of you.

This morning I got up to go to brunch with a friend, and as I was sitting on the couch I suddenly gagged and grabbed a napkin (pardon me, this is gross) and puked a very small amount into it.
The thing about my recent gagginess is that if there had actually been something that wanted out, I don’t think I ever would have made it to a bathroom. Do most people have MS this way, where it just suddenly is THERE .. and if so, how do they deal with meetings at work if it hits? yikes.

I came home from brunch and napped the afternoon away. I really should get out of bed now.

I almost threw up at the beach today and again on the drive home.

huh. 

I have to say it. I don’t feel pregnant at all. I’m not overwhelmed with tiredness. In fact I stayed up til 2am reading last night (while H was playing a game). Yes, my boobs are more sore than usual but not super sore. And today? barely sore at all. I have felt gaggy maybe 3 times, but it was gone immediately and I think I was looking for that symptom so much that I just created it in my own mind. It wasn’t much in the way of nausea… just a quick 5 second gagginess.

I hate this waiting. I wish i could have had a beta every 2 days right up til the u/s, so I could be prepared. If things aren’t working out and I don’t know til the u/s in a sterile room with an u/s tech… that will be very hard.

I just want some proof that things are going ok in there.. and i know a pregnancy test won’t really help because even if things stopped working, the hcg would still be high enough.

ugh, i hate paranoia. I just want to know.